Life continues, and so does time. As I develop a consistent practice routine, I can't help but to think about how I got here. How I lost confidence in not only my talent but subsequently my identity.
I grew up in foster care, group homes, and eventually juvie. Music was my one constant. All I have ever wanted to do was music. Songwriting, Singing, Performing, composing, mentoring, and creating opportunities in music for others. When I started playing violin in middleschool, and then transitioned to 6 string electric guitar in highschool I was serious about my craft. After graduation I left for the army and immediately was sent to Iraq for deployment number one in 2003. Then deploymet munber two and three ,where I developed Post Tramatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). After almost 15 years, my military chapter was over. I would ask myself, "now what?" Depression and anger hit me like a mack truck as the effects of my PTSD and TBI were becoming clear. The only constant in my life has become a source of contention. I thought that setting up my instruments would make it better. I thought for sure, I would be able to pick up my guitar and it all come flooding back like when you have rodr a bike in a long time. Spoiler alert, it didn't happen and when it didn't I spiraled. First a Soldier without a war, now a musician who no longer plays? That question was answered by the most insecure part of me. Exactly. So, who are we now?
After a few years I decided if I can't be in the front, I will be in the background. So, I started Kween's Kadence, where we represent and devoloping artist, do media write ups, travel to events and do onsite live interviews, produced a show around artists and built relationships. Fast forward til now and finally giving myself grace and not allow having a TBI make me give up on music. It takes alot of grace when I can't remember what I seemingly mastered the day before. But on the other hand when I remeber something we played in Gratz Jazz Band I get so excited. One must celebrate small victories, so here's to them.
May we celebrate things not commonly celebrated, give ourselves grace when needed, and do everything you love with confidence!
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